You have just lost a loved one and the intensity of your pain is indescribable. Friends and relatives try to console you by saying that time will heal the pain– and for some this may be true. However, sometimes when we lose someone we are very close to, we carry this pain to our own grave. Death is inevitable. It is part of the soul’s journey from one lifetime to another. Yet, our Western society does not understand about death. This ignorance leaves us unprepared for the emotions that can overcome us.
As the “baby boomers” age, many of us are facing a time in our lives when the welfare of our parents has now become our responsibility. Walking with a parent to the doorway of death is a privilege. If your parent is able to communicate with you, take this time to talk about their life or to reminisce about your joyful childhood memories. Tell them you love them, even if you are uncomfortable expressing your emotions verbally. This may become a treasured moment. And the loved one who is dying needs to have the opportunity to express their thoughts as well.
Nobody’s childhood is perfect. Yet if a parent dies and a healing has not occurred, you as an adult child may experience a sense of abandonment. This may be accompanied by anger that things were not as they desired in your relationship. Understanding where these emotions are coming from helps you work through them. The most important key to healing is love and forgiveness. Accept that your parent did the best they could at the time. Holding on to any negative emotions as they are passing on only contributes to the struggles within your own life. This is a time to open your heart and begin the healing process.
If your loved one is taken from you suddenly, do not feel that you have lost your opportunity to say goodbye. In my book Reaching Through the Veil to Heal: Death, Grief and Communicating with Loved Ones in Spirit (Llewellyn Worldwide 2006), I share true stories about how your loved ones in spirit hear what you say to them. Many of us talk to God or Spirit even though we cannot see him/her. God/Spirit gives us feelings of comfort, messages of joy and signs that he/she is present within our lives. Your loved ones do the same thing. Talk to them and allow yourself to feel the love they have for you. No matter what your relationship was prior to their passing, they return to you in spirit body with unconditional love and are focused on helping you fulfill your life purpose.
We all grieve differently depending on our relationships and our personality types. Some lose a loved one and are able to hold things together. This is the logical personality type that is in full control of their emotions and chooses not to experience them until they are ready. They are the strength that everyone else relies on. Then there is the emotional personality type. They feel their loss with every fiber of their existence and can quickly become caught up on the emotional roller coaster of grief. Their compassionate hearts are the beautiful part of who they are. When these individuals are hurting, however, they need the assistance of others to get through the pain. Without help, grief can begin to sabotage their quality of life. They must reach out to their family, friends, church group or grief support group. If these are not available, reading books about healing through grief can help the emotional personality type better understand what they are going through.
Just because your loved one is no longer in a physical body does not mean that they have abandoned you. The love that you had for each other while you were together in this lifetime is just as intense when expressed from their spirit body-and it will also go on forever. But sometimes the pain you are experiencing is simply too intense to allow your loved ones to be heard. Other times, it is your belief system that prevents you from receiving. These obstacles do not deter them from giving you messages. You may hear your name quietly whispered as you stand in the shower or when you are first waking up from sleep. You may smell a fragrance that you associate with your loved one. You may think you see them in a crowd. Often they will flicker the lights as you walk into a room. These are their ways of giving you comfort and helping you work through the grieving process.
The time after a loss can be very painful. However, this time is also an opportunity to raise the consciousness of your awareness and experience a closer connection with Spirit as well as your loved ones who have passed on. After loss comes re-birth.